Los Angeles Mayor Antonio Villaraigosa said Monday that private donors have pledged to pay the estimated $900,000 cost for the city's celebration of the Lakers NBA championship. When asked if any of these donors wanted to help out with the education crisis faced by the city, they chuckled, "Fuck no, our kids are all in private schools. Go Lakers!" [Tim]
Drainage workers saved the life of a 1 week-old cocker spaniel that had been accidently flushed down the toilet by a British boy on Sunday. 4-year-old Daniel Blair told reporters that he was just trying to wash his muddy puppy and that "it would never happen again," then he pulled down his pants and took a shit in the bathtub. [Tim]
(SLIDE: EXTERIOR OF NEW YORK CITY PUBLIC SCHOOL)
This year 82% of students in New York City schools passed their math tests, a tremendous gain from last year's 74% pass rate. While agreeing that the results show a "positive, strong movement in the right direction," state Board official Merryl Tisch cautions that "no one should view this as an enormous victory" considering the demands of higher education and the fact that tests were graded by past graduates of New York public schools.
(SLIDE: MORONIC LOOKING MEN AND WOMEN COUNTING ON THEIR FINGERS, USING ADDING MACHINES, SLIDING BEADS ON AN ABICUS WHILE LOOKING AT SCANTRON TEST PAPERS) [Tim]
